the youngest was four; no family in town to count on; I’d never run a business, and frankly; didn’t have a clue what I was jumping into.
But from the very beginning; I had a strong sense that it was going to be okay; a deep feeling of safety that came from a source that felt real and true. And in everything I did, there was guidance; even the silly, simple things.
I decided I need a large basket to hold mats; a week later, there’s an enormous basket out at the curb in my neighbor’s trash (perfect basket, no damage – we’re still using it); needed something to hold purses and belongings; wander into the local Habitat for Humanity store and find a gorgeous piece for $75 (as I was hauling it out another patron told me that I would have made it onto one of the home decorator shows with that find).
And one day in particular, I had a small block of time to finish outfitting the place; hired a sitter to watch the kids, time was precious. As I got in the car, a little inner voice talked to me and instructed me in these mundane tasks, advising where to go, and what to buy. If you know me, I’m not a shopper, nor a decision maker.
But this day, it was like I was on a mission; from place to place, finding precisely what I needed at the price I needed it to be. Was thinking, “maybe God really wants this place to open . . . .”
Final item checked off my list, rushing to drive home, five minutes to spare to hit the deadline of my babysitter. Cruising toward I 581, my little voice tells me to exit the road and take the longer way.
“Uhh? What? WHY!?!”
This inner wisdom, which had guided me all morning to make wise decisions, gives me this piece of information and I . . . . complain; I argue with it. It didn’t make sense! I was in a HURRY! (Inner voice, don’t you get it, paying a sitter by the hour! Promised the kids I’d be home!).
So, as I have done more times than I wish to count, I ignored this voice. What the heck, really?! My inner voice is telling me how to DRIVE? Like it’s my ex-husband or something?!
This whole exchange took mere moments, and as I merged onto 581, rounded the bend, and saw that traffic had come to a standstill, I understood. There had been an accident. And so, there I was; stuck in traffic, because of my stubbornness.
Had to laugh, and I did; but it reminded me of myriad times I neglected that inner wisdom; when the little voice in my head told me to go left, and I went right; when the little voice said no and I said “but but but — why not?” When the little voice screamed and cried and I just looked away, because clinging to what I had been doing or what I had committed to seemed to make more sense than this frightening unknown path speaking up inside my head.
Would love to say that I learned my lesson; that I always following my intuition; and that my inner voice and I have established a clear and visible connection; but that is not true.
Sometimes my head has a cacophony of voices; sometimes, I still deny what my heart and wisdom tell me. Sometimes I do nothing; or take the easy way out.
But I am aware, and I am trying; every day; to hone that inner wisdom and to listen listen listen to the angels, the guides and teachers who surround me and support me.
Perhaps it all comes down to having a little faith . . . and the ability to trust.