Complicated Life

My life is complicated. I am complicated.

Example; morning last February. Woke; after restless night and a stink bug falling into my palm and I fling it across the room reflexively and at the same time in the middle of the night I recall my daughter laughing the last time I flicked a stink bug off my computer and said “welcome to the space program.”

Sleep should be safe; but it is not always so.

Wake; snow; a LOT of snow. Luckily a light-schedule-day, especially since I don’t have to drive three children to two schools.

What to do with said free day? Pondering …. Clean or Organize or Accomplish or Work or Play or Fun or Read or Study or Hike or Exercise or Write or … well, so mostly I make a fire. And an actual lovely burning wood fire requires a certain amount of maintenance.

I spend most of my day tending the fire; and appreciating its warmth; and reminding myself that I need more firewood …

Coffee; journal; snuggle cats. Clean the disastrous kitchen.

Um, okay, clean is too generous; deal with the worst of the kitchen …

More fire tending; a LOT of texting. Open the business today? Close the business? Emails, Facebook … ugh; Facebook.

I probably forgot to mention I’ve checked it six times now and it’s only Noon.
One cat keeps going from back door to front door; ONE of these doors must not have snow … right? She eventually ends up at the door in the basement … cause the basement door is surely snow free …

More firewood. And some amazing down-encased man is clearing my driveway on his four-wheel. Feelings of gratitude; side order of guilt. Must bake cookies and soon …

OH – retreat in Germany this Summer; kids joining me in Italy; Googling itineraries; train rides; car rentals; AirBNB; so exciting! Absolutely terrifying too. Booked Venice; only three more towns to figure out.

Sheesh. Open a beer.

And stoke the fire. How the hell did anyone do anything other than keep the fire going? You know, back when there was no power, no heat, no light? Wait, did I get enough milk to last 48 hours? …

Okay. Excellent. Found a place to stay in Venice; a flight to get to Munich. Take at least forty minutes to ponder how weird and amazing it is that I’m living a life that involves visiting Venice and Munich.

OH – yeah; shoveling; uncover the car. But the forecast is for rain? Go shovel, just in case.

And meditate; you meant to meditate; and you had breakfast; and you texted; and Facebooked; and AirBNB’d; and some other stuff; and Goddess waited for you; she always does.

Mediation was amazing.

Insight into 500-hr teacher training; the birthing of a new project. Along with emails and calls about normal business; and 200-hr; and teaching at the college; and privates; and workshops; and Spring schedule.

And you come across a beautiful article about men in relationships; and your whole damn life has been wrapped up with men and relationships. Light bulbs explode; a whole new pathway opens up.

*Sigh* Surely do miss being in love; having someone to care for and care about; lose a full hour feeling sad about the loss of my relationship.

But life continues; hey Mom, what’s for dinner; oh yeah – potatoes-carrots-asparagas-cod; ewww. Only one child excited about eating dead fish. And there aren’t enough potatoes. And some other stuff happens too.

AND she’s coloring her hair PINK? Today? And will it work? Whose fault if it doesn’t? Playdate tomorrow? Work tomorrow?

This is complicated ….

Shanti,

Jill

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